During the symposium for Bushman a month ago in Springville, Utah, some of the comments during one of the sessions got me thinking about our YW-2-RS transition again.
(And jeans, jump in here if I'm remembering wrong, since most of this is building off of your thoughts.)
Here is the basic idea:
There is a significant difference between the way YW are taught about living the gospel and the way RS sisters experience it. Perhaps this is on purpose, perhaps not. But note that:
YW - We have "personal progress." YW are focused on their own growth and accomplishment
RS - We say "charity never faileth." RS sisters serve each other, teach each other, VT each other.
YW - We have "projects." These are planned and arranged according to the YW's available time.
RS - We are "called upon" to serve. A phone call comes with minutes or hours notice to make a meal. We are called the night before to substitute teach a lesson. Our VT sister calls us and needs to talk. RS sisters often can't plan when we will serve.
YW - We have "value experiences" and projects. YW focus on one value at a time and explore its meaning and application.
RS - We have "life experiences" I'll call it. When a RS sister helps a family, it isn't a matter of one value. In real life, all the values overlap and mix together.
So, do you see this as a disconnect that needs to be thought through and perhaps challenged, or, that the YW are being given tools to put to good use in the Relief Society? Thoughts?
Friday, July 8, 2011
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Your comments about the difference between YW and RS are similar to some of my thoughts. I believe that the biggest difference between RS and YW is that the YW program is centered on the girls and RS is centered on serving others. YW and leaders plan YW activities that the girls will like and want to participate in. If a girls doesn't come, we find out why. As leaders, everything we do focuses on the needs of the girls. When the girls graduate from YW, they attend relief society, where they are no longer the center of everything that happens. Instead, they are expected to become part of a bigger whole that concentrates on service. If they don't show up for RS, they will probably not receive a call from a concerned leader asking where they were. They go from being cared for to doing the caring in about a week: one week they are in YW and the next, they are in RS. Are they prepared for this transition? None of their leaders in YW or RS will tell them that this is what has changed because most of us don't recognize it, but now the girls are expected to serve instead of be served.
ReplyDeleteI think this is also an important distinction between what is expected of the YM and the YW. The YM have Priesthood responsibilities that focus on doing things for others: passing the Sacrament, collecting Fast Offerings, setting up chairs. The YM are important because the church makes them necessary to the function of a ward. The YW have no similar responsibilities. If the YW don't show up to Sacrament Meeting, no one in the congregation notices. If the YM aren't there, the member of the bishopric conducting the meeting will comment on how much we miss the boys when they aren't in Sacrament Meeting because someone else has to take over their responsibilities.
President Hinckley said that every new convert needs a friend, a responsibility in the church, and to be nourished by the gospel. The girls are getting two out of three of these things. Is that enough?
Teens are really pretty self-centered...not because they are selfish, but because they are immature. It is like expecting a toddler to be aware of things that they aren't. Teens need to be supported by adults. Once the YW become adults then it is up to the VT program because we ALL need to be supported and the only way we can do that is if we support each other.
ReplyDeleteI don't think we can expect more from teens in terms of serving others. I just tried to get my daughter to call an inactive girl to invite her to an activity. It was the absolute best activity to invite her to but my daughter just couldn't make herself do it. She is 13. She doesn't have enough phone skills, people skills, confidence, life experience, understanding, self-motivation, etc. to do something so hard. However, she makes little 13 year old baby steps in becoming more capable of taking care of herself and others around her. She made a meal this week with me only telling her what to do and her actually doing it.
Teens have opportunities to serve in service projects and the Personal Progress stuff encourages them to serve.
I think the problem is more that they are used to a much smaller class size and much smaller age range. RS just seems too impersonal compared to YW. When I graduated from high school I was used to conducting YWs in front of 10 girls and when we had a lesson I was used to making tons of comments and chatting with friends. When I went to RS during college break in my home ward there were 25 older women who were not my peers. Definitely odd.
Honestly, at that point in my life I had never hung out with my mom and her peers before...ever....
When I had a bridal shower at age 21, all these grown women in my home ward showed up and it was so odd because they were moms, not peers.
YW was about hanging out with your friends.....RS has never been that for me since I'm either in Primary or half/all my peers are in Primary and YW while I'm in RS. In fact, my short stint in YW as a leader was probably the most social fun because you can talk WHILE you are in a church meeting to the other leaders in way that you can't in RS or primary (primary teachers/music leaders don't get to socialize much).
Yes! This is a problem regardless of how it affects the transition to RS: we spend far too much time catering to and coddling the YW, begging them to come to "super fun" activities and "super cute" lessons on Sunday. I think there are ways to connect with and teach the YW in a genuine way that also teaches personal responsibility and service. And I think when you minimize the external incentives (candy, cute treats, fun games, etc) and focus on meaningful gospel learning and meaningful, helpful activities, you're much more likely to build deeper, long-term testimony in the YW.
ReplyDeleteTwo things I am working on with this in mind: more service projects in the community (Food Bank, Homeless shelter stuff... not just baking brownies for the neighbors); and class presidencies that actually take responsibility for activities and each other. It actually takes more work on my part to do both of these things (they take more work to plan and it's also difficult to change expectations of what is expected from our YW activities with the youth and the leaders/bishopric) but I really believe taking this approach is helping. Though it doesn't solve the fundamental problem of serving vs. being served, doing a service project once a month sends an undeniable message.
That is what I was getting at, but you say it much better :)
ReplyDeleteI was reflecting on my experience which I think DID prepare me for RS and a life of service to others, although I don't think that it's necessarily so for everyone who goes through the PP program.
I notice in the comments there are a couple of different threads here:
1) differences between YM and YW programs, especially the new Duty to God focus on learning/acting on/sharing doctrines and on giving meaningful service to the ward and the community, and thoroughly leaving behind the mentality of "I'm earning an award here by checking stuff off."
This is GREAT for YM, I agree with Garks that it meaningfully links them into their lifelong responsibilities of using the priesthood to bless others and to build the kingdom. I also agree with Rachel that this can be achieved for YW with leadership in presidencies and in thoughtfully designed service, but it takes a greater degree of intentionality and purpose. Some YW programs have this in spades - others, not so much. It's not as built into the program as it is for YM but that doesn't mean it can't be there if you have awesome tuned-in leaders like Rachel.
2) at first glance, the spiritual & intellectual poverty of a program that is built around the self. Self-development, self-esteem, self-improvement. I think this is a real trap with the current YW Personal Progress program. At its worst, it hyper-focuses girls on themselves especially how they look and magnifies the natural narcissism of teenagers (as Anonymous points out), although even this is to some extent developmentally appropriate. What my point was during the comments portion of the seminar was, that YW is a time to build a reserve of gospel learning, confidence, and personal exploration that you can draw on when the rubber meets the road in RS and you are serving, counseling others, helping people in crisis, teaching - all the things that women in the Church are either called upon to do or are inspired by the Spirit to do in their individual (family, VTing, ward calling) ministries. yes, I think it's somewhat artificial to separate out the values as we do, but by giving girls opportunities to study, live/experiment on the Word, and reflect, the YW program can build strong and capable women who can enter with joy and confidence into the Lord's service as missionaries and adult women in the Church. I certainly didn't feel that way about the YW program when I was in it - I thought it was too focused on extrinsic motivation (charms! medallions! statuettes!) but in retrospect I can see that it was preparing me for the rest of my life. Maybe it would have helped me at the time to know that, but... maybe not. I was pretty self-centered. Only RS & serving in callings has taught me to be otherwise.
3) how this relates to transitioning to RS - can we do more to minimize the bump and to make it seem like a more natural transition from YW to RS? Yes, and I think Rachel is on the right track with emphasizing "personal responsibility and service" and de-emphasizing entertainment and personal appearance/modesty/fashion. In that way, it's not so different after all from what the YM program is becoming. It's really not a different beast altogether, it's just a horse of a slightly pinker color.
Since I have a YW, please don't stop having fun activities. These kids are still such children and they are developing social skills. My 13 year old still doesn't have the confidence or poise or relationships to call people on the phone for instance. Everytime she does something social it is practically the first time she has done it.
ReplyDeleteThese kids go to school in a sometimes harsh environment. An important part of YWs is teaching them how to interact socially with peers in a better way, and interact with peers with similar standards...in a way that school can't provide. If it wasn't for YWs my daughter would not get to experience interacting with peers where swearing, inappropriate dating, dishonesty, and other worldly values aren't so prominant.
What is most important is that the leaders care about each of the girls in this very vulnerable time in their lives.
When I was a teenager, I remember feeling like it was so necessary for me to attend (once a week) seminary and mutual plus Sundays in order to recharge. I didn't define it as feeling the spirit, but I knew that it gave me strength to go and be with the other Mormon youth (and the leaders!!!).
Sure, learning to serve is good. As I raise my children I am constantly teaching them, aware of the overall goal of helpign them become good adults. But it will take them years and years to get there and they need love and bonding and nurturing.
Since I am a mother of a 13 year old, I still see how young she is. I'm sure it is way different with 17 year old. I just know that I see her hormones and how she has so much that she is learning and I can't dump it on her all at once. I like to think that the YW leaders are there to nurture her and help her as well as help her become capable.
Unfortunately, right now it is all trek, trek, trek and no personal progress so I am the only one helping her stay motivated to do that.
Thanks for those comments. It is easy for me to forget that, just as you said, the girls have a lot to learn about everything, including social skills.
ReplyDeleteAnd every Young Women's group is different. When I was first called as Laurel Adviser five years ago, some of the leaders did indeed "beg" some of the Laurels to show up for elaborate activities. The girls came, ate food and played, and then left, and the leaders planned, set up, entertained, and then cleaned up.
Our current group of Laurels is much more service and "other" oriented. And some of their best service is helping the younger, shy and less mature girls.
I had a great comment all typed out that just got lost :( But I did want to share this one idea: Maybe if the girls were told at NB and YW in E that their time in YW and their Personal Progress were all in preparation for RS, and it were said sincerely and with the right vision, it might help to increase respect for RS among the girls and also help them be more ready to make the transition and jump in with both feet. They could see themselves (and if RS saw them) as women ready to be called upon when they cross that threshold into RS. If we gave YW the respect as women preparing to serve and work and teach in the RS, I wonder how that might change our focus, the focus of RS leaders, and the focus of the YW in the programs. This made a lot more sense and sounded better in my lost comment, when I built up to it. Oh well! :) There it is anyway.
ReplyDeleteI do think there are problems with differences in the programs for YW and YM. But the biggest issue I always had with PP when serving in YW was the lack of importance placed on it by everyone outside of YW. Parents expected us to push their daughters through to get their "award thingy" but didn't take any interest. The bishop never remembered to ask the YW about it in interviews. Scouting was given much public attention, but YW Recognition barely any. And so the girls thought of it as something silly and unimportant. (In fact, we were expected to preempt YW any time there was a Court of Honor so the girls could support the boys, but when a YW wanted her boyfriend and brother excused from scouts for her Recognition she was told she needed to plan it for another night then as they couldn't miss scouts.)
ReplyDeleteI think the program is a big improvement from when I was a YW, with so much more scripture based learning and connecting the gospel to our actions and choices. I do agree there could be a much better bridge to RS. I just don't necessarily think it needs to replace PP, especially in the younger years. I couldn't care less what my Beehives were thinking about RS, and by Laurels the girls who actually did PP were feeling done/excluded with YW.
And we did try to put more emphasis on serving - but we ran into the problem of YW not coming if it wasn't "fun." Actually, we had a major issue with parents not supporting YW as a priority anyway, and sometimes they were the real issue if YW didn't involve dropping off and picking up girls at the church at the exact normal times.
I currently serve in the YW program in our ward (going on three years). Just a few thoughts:
ReplyDelete1. Are our youth today babied and coddled? YES! It drives me a bit insane. Can we blame this on the youth? Partially. A very distinct parenting chasm has formed from the time that I was a youth until now. And I haven't actually been out of the stage of my life for too long. I can see that there are many parents who give in to the 'being a friend' style. I abhor this. What it's creating is exactly what's been mentioned: a generation of youth that are more immature, more self involved, and more 'what-can-you-do-for-me?'. The problem I see is that because that environment has been created at home it's terribly difficult to overcome during church time, whether it be mutual or Sunday. In order to reach some of these girls you have to get them to believe that you are willing to cross an ocean for them. And I will, but not in the sense they expect. We have to build the trust in the right way.
2. I'm also seeing a lot of commenting based on YM/YW differences. Please, let's just face it. The programs are different. The awards programs are different. Boys and girls HAVE to be treated differently. I'm SO okay with the fact that the girls aren't openly missed from the pulpit. Big deal. Let's not split hairs over nothing. I do feel that the PP Program and the Scouting Program deserve a bit more equality, but until PP becomes an internationally recognized program regardless of religion, I'm not holding my breath.
3. The original idea that there are distinct differences between the RS and YW program. I think it's great. Brigham Young's desire, when he announced the program was for each young woman to develop a living testimony of Jesus Christ. We all know that you have to start somewhere, so why not build a personal foundation? That's what it comes down to doesn't it? I have to have a personal desire to serve, a personal testimony of charity, a personal drive to buoy others. I believe it's a step by step process and YW is focused on the most basic portion of it.