Lesson 2-8 "Improving Communication Skills"

This lesson plan's built around demonstrating how frustrating it is when communication only goes one way, then creating a 4-way blackboard grid to compare "poor/good" communication, and discussing "barriers to" and "benefits of" good communication, followed by a list of case studies that probably weren't intended to be amusing, but I found them so.

Situation 2: what director turns down a girl for being too skinny?? They must be casting Hairspray...

Situation 5: why would the sister be in the know her brother was cut from the team for poor grades but the Mom would be clueless???

In addition to the suggested resources, which include Jeffrey R. Holland's talk about kind words, "The Tongue of Angels," you might check out the family communication materials over on the Church's Provident Living site.

There are also a number of solid articles in Church publications about family communication, some aimed at parents, others written for teens. One article I thought particularly helpful paired communication "barriers" with "bridges" (which could be a good object lesson). In one of my searches, I came across a list of 10 ways to improve family communication - it's a plain-text of a document published in Braille and I couldn't find it anywhere else on LDS.org, but I really liked the list - the last 3 were aimed at parents, but the first 7 are applicable to communication in any relationship (family or not):

Listen to understand
Talk so others can understand
Use labels that show love
Attack the problem, not the [family member]
Spend one-on-one time
Build relationships of love and trust
Think first

It seems like this lesson mostly focuses on communication as a problem-solving tool. While that's good, there are other dimensions of communication worth mentioning. Communication also includes just talking with each other, sharing experiences in your day, talking about goals and hopes for the future. In my family growing up, we talked a lot about movies and books. We occasionally discussed and analyzed each other's nighttime dreams (a fascinating window onto someone's inner life). Family scripture study - if it's not just droning the verses in turn - can be a spark to genuine communication (I think the Dennis Leavitt Deseret book series on family scripture study is outstanding). Family prayer, too, is a means of communication within the family as well as communication with God.

Communication is more than verbal, too. Consider writing. I actually communicate a fair amount with my oldest son via texting on our cell phones - since our face time is much limited by our very different schedules. Those of us over 14 in the family have Facebook accounts and that's another way to communicate encouragement or good news among ourselves. Our extended family has a MyFamily website and we send lengthy Christmas letters; some families send newsletters monthly or keep a blog. Even Grandma can get hooked in. Some parents keep a journal along with their child, in which both of them write. Sometimes young people are more frank in writing than they would be in conversation. Our family bought an antique typewriter recently and when it arrived we put it on the kitchen counter, and kept a piece of paper in it. All kinds of things showed up on that paper!

This past Sunday, I heard a terrific talk in which the speaker talked about the theory of multiple "love languages" in a family (riffing on Gary Chapman's book). We communicate a lot through time, touch, gifts, service, and of course through the words we choose. In my family, food is a love language too, a way to say "I love you, I know what you like, I spend time on you, and our relationship is one of abundance and feasting."

What are other ways that you communicate within your family?