Q.
I've recently been called to be the Mia Maid advisor, and I'm having a problem I hope you can help me with. My husband left me and our children two years ago after 15 years of marriage. We were a good family doing all the things a good family was supposed to do and it still didn't work out. I'm still sorting through a lot of hard emotions and I am doing my best to not let that get into my lessons. I saw in the manual that in the next few weeks I am going to have to teach four lessons on the priesthood and I'm not sure I can do it. How can I tell these girls all about how it's so important to marry a priesthood holder and respect his priesthood authority when I'm not sure I believe that anymore? Most of the girls know how my marriage ended, so even if I tried to say it anyway, I think they would think I was lying. Should I get sick next month?A.
What a hard thing to deal with. I hope you're surrounded by a great supportive ward to help you with your new life as a single parent, and I think it's wonderful that you've been able to continue your work in YW's and be aware and thoughtful enough to be mindful of your feelings affecting the lessons. I'm sure you're doing great.I went through my own crisis of faith a couple years ago, and it's something I still feel the effects of occasionally. I really worried about serving in YW during that time, afraid that I would create doubts or infect the girls with my bitterness, but it ended up being the best possible place for me to be.
One thing I love about YW is that we focus on the fundamentals. SS and RS so often get bogged down in every good thing we're supposed to be striving for, or wander off into the more unpleasant aspects of our history - or suffer for ignoring them entirely. I found YW to be a fantastic place to heal because so many of the lessons were about something I could cling to as I nourished my fragile faith. And teenage girls are usually such a loving bunch. I could come and get hugs and unabashed love. I hope you feel that from your group.
I think four lessons on the priesthood is a bit much for anyone, particularly when an entire lesson is devoted just to he Bishop alone, so I'd see about combining a couple of them. If you felt like you just could not do it, this might be a good opportunity for a guest speaker - maybe even the bishop himself - or you could always develop a month long case of mono.
But I'd encourage you to give it a try. This might be the way you can heal so many of those hard feelings. I'm sure your ex-husband wasn't the only priesthood holder in your life, maybe teaching these lessons with those other priesthood holders in mind can help you to repair the damage your ex did to your testimony of the principle. I also think that acknowledging that not every man will live up to his responsibilities is a great lesson for these girls. I think it's great for them to learn to respect a man for how he performs service, not just because he holds the priesthood.
My heart really goes out to you, Questioner. But I don’t think your life experience negatively impacts your ability to teach these lessons at all. Presenting only an idealized picture of priesthood and marriage does the girls a huge disservice anyway. Teach gospel principles that you do believe—you don’t have to marry a priesthood holder to honor the priesthood. Good luck; I know it’s easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the advice so far. Combine lessons. Teach what you agree with. Don't feel embarrassed teaching this topic. It's an opportunity to really address how our lives and choices depend on others' choices, not just on our own self-determination.
ReplyDeleteIt's like telling the girls to only marry a returned missionary. That doesn't mean that if you do, he'll be worthy and dependable. It's meant as a way to increase your odds. My sister married a worthy, returned missionary who, ten years later, left her for another woman; leaving her a single mom with two kids. It didn't have anything to do with the priesthood - he was a bum! It's the same for the Bishop who has an affair. Or the seventy who is excommunicated.
ReplyDeleteThe priesthood power comes from God and that is what should be honored. A man who lives worthy to use it should be respected - not honored. It drives me crazy when people refer to the men of the church as "the priesthood." They aren't the priesthood!! They are holders of the priesthood but only as long as they are worthy. When my sister's husband and yours left they family they had covenanted with the Lord to form they, IMHO, no longer deserve respect.
Some good ideas here:
ReplyDelete1. Invite a guest speaker. A dad, a mom, a bishop, etc.
2. Ask the girls to teach a lesson. Copy it and pass it out.
3. Pray about it and then focus on the parts of the lessons that you feel inspired about and that you feel comfortable teaching.
4. Keep the lessons short and have a game/activity. This can be good for the girls to bond with each other, get to know you, make church more fun for them, etc. There is no reason why you have to make the lesson last the entire time.
5. Find related material to take up the bulk of the time. A conference talk. How about singing some hymns/memorizing ? How about learning/memorizing some scriptures? How about volunteering to have the Miamaids teach the lesson to the Beehives (that way you spend one week helping the girls working on it and then the next week the girls actually do it). How about making a "worksheet" for them to work on using hymns and scriptures or the lesson material so they are doing the reading themselves rather than listening to you talk. How about asking the Personal Progress leader (or yourself) to help the girls work on a PP goal that has something to do with the lesson.
If it helps, I like to think I am teaching the IDEAL, not the guaranteed reality. I know the IDEAL is what we should hope for, work towards, aspire to. But I also think the YW need to hear the reality of life withouth planting seeds of doubt. It is a tough line. Good luck, it cannot be easy.
ReplyDeleteI agree to all the above. What a hard thing-- it is important for girls to know that just because a man holds the priesthood does not mean he lives worthy of or honors it... we know, however, that when that is the case, "Amen to the priesthood"...
ReplyDeleteTeach them the value of finding someone who lives worthy of it and remind them that even that is no guarantee... agency is such a bittersweet thing like that. However, I do believe WE will be blessed when we do honor those men who hold the priesthood worthily.
Good luck. I'll be thinking a lot about this as I prepare those lessons.