Lesson 1-20 "Reaching Out to Others"

Once you get past the truly bizarre animal fable (which I won't bore you by deconstructing, as I've done in my head for the last week), this lesson's solid and rather standard (although hasn't been updated with new material since 1976). You'll know which of your own personal stories to tell based on what the needs are in your group -

do you have a small number of active girls, and a large number who don't come often?
or vice versa?

are there some who always seem to be on the margins?
or is your group unusually cohesive (and if so, please share the secret of your success)?

is missionary work valued in your ward, and strangers welcomed?
or is it "all is well in Zion" and new move-ins or converts need not apply?

is there a culture of outreach? or self-absorption?

I was reminded of the wonderful article by President Hinckley (2006) about new members of the church. It applies to people who don't come frequently, or to those who come but aren't members:

"I have said before, and I repeat it, that each of you as a convert needs three things:

1. A friend in the Church to whom you can constantly turn, who will walk beside you, who will answer your questions, who will understand your problems. You also have home teachers, visiting teachers, and other members who will help you on your marvelous journey of faith.

2. An assignment. Activity is the genius of this Church. It is the process by which we grow. Faith and love for the Lord are like the muscles of my arm. If I use them, they grow stronger. If I put them in a sling, they become weaker. Each of you deserves a responsibility.

In handling that responsibility you may make some mistakes. So what? We all make mistakes. The important thing is the growth that will come of activity. Your leaders can help you find ways to be involved. Be willing to accept new challenges, and trust that the Lord will help you be equal to them. If you get discouraged, ask for help. But don’t give up. As you keep trying you will find that your abilities increase.

3. To be constantly “nourished by the good word of God” (Moroni 6:4). You will be affiliated with a priesthood quorum or the Relief Society, the Young Women, the Young Men, the Sunday School, or the Primary. Come to sacrament meeting to partake of the sacrament, to renew the covenants you made at the time of your baptism. Read from the scriptures every day. Pray every morning and every evening, that you may stay close to the Lord."

My husband was brought back into the church after 10 years of inactivity as a teenager and young adult. He was in medical school at the time (single; this was before I met him), and had a friend who was Mormon and had no idea my husband was a member or had ever been active. He invited my husband to help on a youth trip, which got him back in the door, and opened him up to the feeling that he needed to come back. Sometimes (most times? ALL the time?) having your expertise or talents tapped is the key to unlocking and softening your heart - because you feel what it's like to give of yourself, and to be needed. We all need that.

This past week, the church building I attended from 1988 to 1995, in Cambridge MA burned down. The fire started during the conference broadcast (which is a tender mercy, actually, because it meant everyone was in the chapel, not up in the 2nd floor classrooms, and the fire started just below the roof, but I digress). It was a beloved building to many generations of students who'd passed through it during their college or grad school years, including myself. Over on the ByCommonConsent blog, there's a memorial thread for people to share their memories. And a funny thing happened there deep in the comments. One young lady remembered coming to church, brand new and unsure, wearing secondhand clothes, knowing no one. And a small thing happened; someone was friendly and struck up a conversation. It encouraged her to feel she was welcome there, and she came again and again, and became a strong member of the ward. That conversation was one of her key memories about that building.

The person who reached out? It was me. Honestly, I don't remember that moment, it was certainly not life-changing for me. I do remember her, of course, but I had no idea at the time (or until this week) that something that small could have made a difference in her life. I have many examples in my life when people's kindnesses to me made a difference - and I'm sure that the outreachers similarly have no clue how helpful they were. I hope in the afterlife we all get to share those moments - like in "Defending Your Life" when all the wonderful scenes get to be replayed.

One caveat about this lesson: the instruction to "find the similarity" is a good starting place. But "value the difference" is important too, and if I were rewriting the lesson I'd find a way to make BOTH points. I think that's one important lesson from the multiculturalism movement, which hardly existed in the 1970s.

Saturday morning brainstorm:

I think I've got some craft pompoms sitting around somewhere. I'm going to bring enough for the class, and also little slips of paper with everyone's name on them. In class we'll choose names. You'll take the name you get and "reach out" in conversation & say something nice - giving the warm fuzzy to her. You'll talk long enough to find out something concrete you can do for or with her this coming week. Our Laurels have done secret sisters for a Wed night activity - they got a dollar or two and took a field trip during Mutual to a nearby dollar store, shopped for their secret sister and then came back to the church for treats and the reveal. This won't be secret - I think the value will be partly in role-playing "reaching out" in front of the group, to practice what kinds of things to say. Our group is tight and safe enough for that I think. I'll let you know how it goes.